the unknown portraits

“The Pussy With the Sexy Pussy”
graphite on paper 2.5 x 3.75 in
2005 

Now available as a limited edition, signed and numbered lithograph with deckled edges from Nelly Duff Gallery.

“Sometimes Life’s Miracles Go Unnoticed”
graphite on paper 3.75 x 2.5 in 
2009 

“There’s A Party In My Pants”
graphite on paper 2.5 x 3.75 in
2009

written by Porous Walker

The Party in the Pants has been a favorite across the universe for centuries. Originally believed to have been invented even before pants were, the Pants Party has been responsible for some of the greatest humans ever produced.

Now you can mesmerize anyone by following this simple recipe:

Ingredients:

1 pair of Pants

2 1 oz. bags of colorful confetti

1 can of fruit cocktail

1 12 oz. box of Dream Whip

1 cup orange or pineapple juice

1 feather from a Papa New Guinea Bird of Paradise

Method:

1. Take your clothes off if you’re wearing any, yes, even the underpants.
2. Mix ingredients in the pockets of the pants.
3. Put the pants on, without underpants.
4. Count to 50, than grab and generously rub crotch like Michael Jackson did in the Bad Video
5. Head over to Applebys and approach customers over the age of 18, unbutton and unzip pants and naturally, ingredients will create a fine mist that eminates out of the crotch area harnessing the intendeds senses.
6. Retreat to the parking lot with your new friends and allow them, one at a time to climb into the crotch area of your pants, while you’re wearing them
1. Kick back and be mesmerized as the party takes hold of your soul.

kozyndan:

“The Ladies of the Lockes”
graphite on paper 2.5 x 3.75 in
2009

It appears in our book, The Unknown Portraits.

“The Right To Bare Arms”
2009 graphite on paper 

Story by Jessalyn Wakefield

I liked the smell the bullet made when it hit me. Smelled like it was supposed to. Like our pencils in school. We put them inside our backpacks and they rub against the fabric and when we touch the fabric it smears our fingers gray and shiny. My mama says they don’t make pencils out of lead anymore. What does she know. 

My mama spent weeks beading my dress so I could have something nice to play in. I think it’s ugly. You can see the bad stitches and it’s too tight under my arms. My friend’s cowgirl dress is new from the store. I want it so bad I cry sometimes. 

We’d learned about the Wild West in school so we knew how to play the game. She said Yippee-Kai-Yi-YAY I’m a cowgirl! After I fell down she took my axe and cut off my ears and peeled off my scalp and laughed. We couldn’t remember who was supposed to do the shooting and who did the scalping so she did both to make sure we did it right. There was dirt on the edge of the axe. Where the dirt touched my skull it itched. When I lay still she licked the drool off my face, cos she’s older than me.

Limited edition print available HERE.

“the mountain man”
2006 graphite on paper 

Story by Mark “Frosty” McNeill

What are you staring at?  Have you never seen such a wet, mighty beard?  Does my craggy scalp and titanic bust frighten you?  Well, wipe that fear clear and come closer so I can tell you a few things about myself.

  Like you were once a sperm and egg I too was two.  Long ago, much longer than you can imagine even with your eyes shut, these mountains weren’t here.  There was merely a misty river and whispering wind.  Then one night the sky rained rocks.  This heavy downpour was the work of mystic figures.  The sky spirits were having a ball and needed a beat, so throughout the evening they dropped rocks in the river and danced to the rhythm of plop plop plop.  The party raged, bounced and bopped until all the celestials were passed out or humping like bumblebees.

Some centuries later a small girl came stumbling down the riverside wrapped in tears.  She was warbling and weeping, “Oh me, oh my!  I must!”  You see she had been sailing smoothly along with her folks until their wooden canoe hit a rough patch and flipped bottoms up.  Their sailing songs turned to shrieks and the family scattered like sand.  Mom and Pop ended up heaped on one bank while their sweetie was stranded on the opposite. 

  By some wondrous miracle she hadn’t a scratch but discovered her parents were a bloody mess so she ran to and frenzied fro trying to find a way to forge the rapids.  She finally stopped in frustration and picked up a stone (remember it’s mystic origin!).  She grasped it close to her lips kissing the surface with hot breath and wished for a way across the water.  Then with all her might she threw the rock into the river.  

Take the little one’s wish to cross the river + mix that with a magic rock = and you have the makings of me.  The moment she threw the stone into the river I was born with a great rumble.  The ground shook, the rapids bubbled and I, the thrown stone, expanded.  Soon I was a great, granite hump bridging the banks.  The little lass ran to her parents and nursed them back to health while I kept growing into the peculiar mountain you’ve just met.  Thanks for your time, enjoy the rest of your journey and remember that wishes are always worthwhile. 

Limited edition print available HERE.

“Preternatural Practitioner”

2009 graphite on paper

Josephina Weider

Mr. Limpet