“The Ladies of the Lockes”
graphite on paper 2.5 x 3.75 in
2009It appears in our book, The Unknown Portraits.
Spirit Animal Collective
24 x 36” unframed, 30 x 42” framed
Graphite on paper. 2009
SOLDThe largest drawing kozy has done in the “Unknown Portraits” style to date. Little did we know that cameras, at least in early incarnations before the invention of modern film, did in fact capture a piece of one’s soulwith each picture. Here is a class photo where all the students spirit animals have emerged to pose with their “bodies”.
Even viewing LARGE doesn’t really do it justice…
“The Right To Bare Arms”
2009 graphite on paper
Story by Jessalyn Wakefield
I liked the smell the bullet made when it hit me. Smelled like it was supposed to. Like our pencils in school. We put them inside our backpacks and they rub against the fabric and when we touch the fabric it smears our fingers gray and shiny. My mama says they don’t make pencils out of lead anymore. What does she know.
My mama spent weeks beading my dress so I could have something nice to play in. I think it’s ugly. You can see the bad stitches and it’s too tight under my arms. My friend’s cowgirl dress is new from the store. I want it so bad I cry sometimes.
We’d learned about the Wild West in school so we knew how to play the game. She said Yippee-Kai-Yi-YAY I’m a cowgirl! After I fell down she took my axe and cut off my ears and peeled off my scalp and laughed. We couldn’t remember who was supposed to do the shooting and who did the scalping so she did both to make sure we did it right. There was dirt on the edge of the axe. Where the dirt touched my skull it itched. When I lay still she licked the drool off my face, cos she’s older than me.
“the mountain man”
2006 graphite on paper
Story by Mark “Frosty” McNeill
What are you staring at? Have you never seen such a wet, mighty beard? Does my craggy scalp and titanic bust frighten you? Well, wipe that fear clear and come closer so I can tell you a few things about myself.
Like you were once a sperm and egg I too was two. Long ago, much longer than you can imagine even with your eyes shut, these mountains weren’t here. There was merely a misty river and whispering wind. Then one night the sky rained rocks. This heavy downpour was the work of mystic figures. The sky spirits were having a ball and needed a beat, so throughout the evening they dropped rocks in the river and danced to the rhythm of plop plop plop. The party raged, bounced and bopped until all the celestials were passed out or humping like bumblebees.
Some centuries later a small girl came stumbling down the riverside wrapped in tears. She was warbling and weeping, “Oh me, oh my! I must!” You see she had been sailing smoothly along with her folks until their wooden canoe hit a rough patch and flipped bottoms up. Their sailing songs turned to shrieks and the family scattered like sand. Mom and Pop ended up heaped on one bank while their sweetie was stranded on the opposite.
By some wondrous miracle she hadn’t a scratch but discovered her parents were a bloody mess so she ran to and frenzied fro trying to find a way to forge the rapids. She finally stopped in frustration and picked up a stone (remember it’s mystic origin!). She grasped it close to her lips kissing the surface with hot breath and wished for a way across the water. Then with all her might she threw the rock into the river.
Take the little one’s wish to cross the river + mix that with a magic rock = and you have the makings of me. The moment she threw the stone into the river I was born with a great rumble. The ground shook, the rapids bubbled and I, the thrown stone, expanded. Soon I was a great, granite hump bridging the banks. The little lass ran to her parents and nursed them back to health while I kept growing into the peculiar mountain you’ve just met. Thanks for your time, enjoy the rest of your journey and remember that wishes are always worthwhile.
“Preternatural Practitioner”
2009 graphite on paper
Josephina Weider
Mr. Limpet
Carving up the place
2.5 x 3.75 inches.
The Extraordinary Mr. Pneumatic Expunger’s
Education in Infelicitous Parlance
By Diana McNally
Jonathan Connor:
Dear Mr. Pneumatic Expunger, you must give distinct attention to the colloquialisms of the proletariat. Whilst you may find yourself inclined to utter such enlightened formalisms as “affirmative,” you must defy your natural affinity to urbane grammar and retort “NO PROBLEMO!” As well, if a fellow presents a manner quite unbecoming of a gentleman, you may quip “EAT ME” – a ruffianly figuration! Finally, if you desire to formally insult a chap in the manner of the Spaniards, a simple “HASTA LA VISTA, BABY” should gall your foe most excellently!
The Extraordinary Mr. Pneumatic Expunger:
My word, Mr. Connor! “Hasta la vista, baby” –how patently absurd!
Jonathan Connor:
Indeed, but please refrain at present, Mr. Pneumatic Expunger; unbeknownst to you,
you may present as a – what is it? Ah yes, a “DICKWAD” outside of the appropriate context! Of course, in such an imbroglio, one may assuage the emotions of an opponent with a modest “CHILL OUT.” As an addendum, any of the preceding idioms may be coalesced for a surpassingly indecorous wallop!
The Extraordinary Mr. Pneumatic Expunger:
Most fascinating, Mr. Connor! Perhaps a discourteous “chill out, dickwad,”
should do the trick!
Jonathan Connor:
Rightly so! You display a most impressive aptitude for incivility!
The Extraordinary Mr. Pneumatic Expunger:
“No problemo,” old chap! Ho, ho!
Jonathan Connor:
Oh, Mr. Pneumatic Expunger!
2.5 x 3.75 inches.
Seigi No Mikata.
3.75 x 2.5 inches.
